There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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