On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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