i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
