I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
