I didn't shave. On purpose
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
