he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
