Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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