can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
