My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
