Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
