The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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