hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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