there's paper in my vomit.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
