She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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