you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
