This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
