Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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