The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
