May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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