No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
