i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
