definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
