I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
