dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
