Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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