He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
