When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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