you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Are my feet made of real feet?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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