I look better un-naked...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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