forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Randomize
