tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
