So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Four minutes until I can fart!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
