just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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