i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
