my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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