i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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