After last night, I could never be a politician.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
