Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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