Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
