I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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