so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
