dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
