Who did Billy Mays play for?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
