my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
