Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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