i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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