she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i barfeds in our rink
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
