He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Randomize
