i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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