I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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