Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
