hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
