I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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